Remember the '90s, when you had so much potential? Well, now you could potentially get a Razzies Lifetime Achievement Award with your total nominations and wins count. We get it. You're the executive producer on all your flicks and you own the production company that makes them. So you're making BUTT LOADS of money off them. But how about a few more 'Reign Over Me' and 'Punch-Drunk Love'-type films peppered in with the low-brow comedies?
You bum-rushed the pop-culture scene with your rock-hard abs and frightening white teeth nearly five years ago with the first 'Twilight' film. Since then we've only seen you in two films where you're not playing a werewolf ('Abduction', 'Valentine's Day'). Unfortunately, those films have earned you two Razzie nominations and one win. The 'Twilight' days are over, bro, so if you want your Razzie days to be over too… fire your agent!
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie. Tssk, tssk. We already warned you once! But instead of listening to us, you went and attached your star power to 'A Thousand Words' and allowed that triple-threat Razzie contender (Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay) to be unleashed upon us. This movie wasn't a sequel, and you only played one character in it, so at least you're taking steps in the right direction. But dude, walk quicker.
Congratulations on your first nomination! Wait, what? First, really!?! We're not sure if you're your own agent since you seem to have so many roles in all your films. But if that's the case, fire yourself! Or maybe we can get one of those Britney-style conservatorships in place for you.
Everyone from 'Battleship'
That's right. ALL OF YOU! Whether you were a director, actor, producer, writer, key grip, or part of craft services on this film, just fire your agents…and take a hard look at yourselves, too! You know this movie was inspired by a board game, right? Didn't that raise a red flag? (P.S. to Taylor Kitsch: Sorry to kick you when you're down. We're not even going to bring up 'John Carter.')